8 Reasons Why SNSD's New Album Isn't So Bad After All

September 6, 2015, 7:00 am

It has nothing to do with the leg-spread. This is just for eye-candy.

SNSD has never been an album-driven group. I'd know since I own a few of their albums. After their debut album, things went downhill in the non-title track departure right up until they had their least-favoured song, "I Got a Boy," where all the other songs on that album (minus those two ballads) were pretty good. However, after all of the hate this album has been getting, I feel the need to stick up for it since it is one SNSD's much better albums.

1. No Shitty Ballads

A main complaint I hear from people about SNSD's albums is that there are just too many damn slow ballads on them, dulling out the album. I like a couple of SoShi ballads, but let's be real: Most of them are just bland filler, the same melody looped for four minutes with nothing else going for it. But, there really is no ballad on this album. No, seriously, even the song you think is going to be a ballad trolls you @0:22:

2. We Finally Get Another Bossa Nova Jazz Track from Them

"Day By Day" and "Talk To Me" are a couple of those well-loved songs from SNSD, and I admit, they're a couple of the best from their Oh! album. So, if you did want an SNSD ballad on this album, then this is as close as you're going to get; however if you're like me and you wanted another upbeat coffee house chiller, then this should please you well.

3. A Korean Version of "Show Girls"

This is basically their "Show Show Show" concept only switching out the Euro-pop sound for a '20s swing/jazz sound and giving their peep-show stripper costumes the flapper makeover. It's just as great.

4. We Get a "Red Light" Album Left-Over

We've gotten f(x) taking on SNSD, but we've never really gotten what SNSD taking on f(x) would sound like. "Sign" is that song. f(x)'s "Red Light" album is great, and "Sign" sounds like it was one of those songs that was originally for "Red Light" but was booted off at the last second and given to SNSD. I mean that as a compliment.

5. An R&B Baby-Maker, Not an R&B Snoozer

Like many people who legitimately enjoy Trey Songz's music, I'm a sucker for a good R&B baby-making song (despite not doing any actual baby-making). And a lot SNSD's more R&B-ey songs tend to be snoozers with maybe one exception, but they finally get it right with the body rolling "Talk Talk" (and no, not THAT "Talk Talk" or the other version of it.) "Talk Talk" actually tries to keep your attention; hell, they even borrowed PE's tea kettle idea.

6. The Three Title Tracks Offer Something For Everyone

This is especially true for international fans, since most of them have some sort of concept complex where concept=song quality. Why? I don't know. But if you're one of those fans, then the three title tracks have something to offer for someone who is a fan of the different styles of SNSD. You like girly SNSD with light-weight pop songs? You have "Party." You like cutesy SNSD with retro-grade bubblegum songs? You have "Lion Heart." You like badass/darker SNSD with an empowering song? You have "You Think." If you like all three? Well, you get thrice the treat.

7. It Shows SM is Still Trying With The Group

Ever since "The Boys," people have been saying that SM has just given up on SNSD, and to an extent, that was true. They are the top girl group, they don't need to try as hard to stay No. 1 as nugu groups do, and they honestly owe it all to "Gee." However, I only considered that when they released "Mr.Mr." Sure "The Boys" and "I Got a Boy" probably traumatized a lot of people, but at least SM tried to do something with those songs. "Mr. Mr." was just bland; sure I'll sing to it when it comes on, but after it's done, I don't remember anything outside Tiffany's high notes sounding pretty. Not to mention, the music video could have been done a whole lot more better; yes it's pretty, and yes SM claimed they lost footage. But you mean they couldn't have spent like two or three more hours trying to find or re-shoot it? I honestly just think SM and YG were in cahoots with each other and were playing promoting SNSD with 2NE1 at the same time to laugh at the fanwars between SONEs and Blackjacks. "Lion Heart"/"You Think" is actually being promoted as a full album verses just having one good song with the rest being mostly filler and having SONEs call it revolutionary and praising every song no matter how much they truly feel.

8. A Special Appearance From Jessica

Are you a Jessica fan that just had to hear Jessica's voice one last time on this album? SM got you! Because I swear I hear her in "Green Light." A lot.

Now look, it's no album of the year, and I am by no stretch a SONE; however, I do enjoy SNSD as a whole. I admit I was side eyeing this album before its release, but now that I've listened to it, it's not as bad as it could have been. SNSD may always pale in comparison to f(x) in terms of album quality (just like f(x) will always pale in comparison to SNSD in terms of main-stream popularity), but this album is one of their stronger outputs. It had at least some thought put into it, and I appreciate that.

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Types of Fans

September 7, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: The Crayon Pop Twins Identification Test

≪ Previous: 8 Reasons Why SNSD's New Album Isn't So Bad After All

If you're new to Kpop, you might have heard people here and there talking about how crazy Kpop fans can be. But you may not know what the fuck is going on. If that's the case, then this article, my friend, is for you. If you aren't really new to Kpop and know all about retarded fans, then get ready to nod your head and relate.

So without further adieu, let's go through the types of fans, more specifically, types of Kpop fans, because we don't give two shits about anything that's not Kpop in this blog.

1. The Creepy Fan

The Creepy Fans are the fans that are well ... creepy. They are usually extremely weird, socially awkward, and look a lot like this most of the time:

These are the types of fans that would probably pick up a tissue full of their bias' snot and lock it up in a safe in their room and wipe their face with it every night, or study a hair that fell out of their bias' head under a microscope, or lick the urinal they peed in, or some other weird shit like that. These are the fans that will probably grow up to be serial killers. They are usually female.

In short, Yandere bitches.

Luckily enough for most of us, they are quite rare to see, but they DO exist, here's proof.

2. The Horny Fan

Usually both male and female, these are the fans that are just always horny. Literally. They are usually very pornographic and will not hesitate to reveal their sexual fantasies. Kind of like HYSF, And this guy.

I think the Creepy Fan would be more fitting for this guy, though.

As for the female horny fans, they are even weirder. They can have the most bizarre sexual fantasies you will ever see. For example, there are tumblr blogs completely dedicated to Sehun's neck and collarbone, or Kai's crotch, or Baekhyun's hands (notice how these are all EXO related, *cough cough* EXO-Ls) or some other painfully specific shit like that. They can have the weirdest fucking fetishes. I once saw this comment, which I unfortunately did not screenshot, talking about wanting Jackson from GOT7 to, and I quote, "shove his cute bunny teeth up my urethra." Aside from the fact that this is physically impossible (according to my knowledge) unless he actually pulls his teeth out and shoves it up her urethra, the whole image just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

3. The Overly-Hyper Fan/The Fangirl

The nice way to say future sasaengs or sasaengs. These are the hardcore, die-hard fans we all know about. Usually pre-pubescent teenage girls, these are the fans that have their Caps-lock button permanently on and literally go crazy over everything. Their bias could post a completely blank picture on Instagram, and they'd be the ones in the comments like "OMG OPPA YOU'RE SO HANDSOME." You could say they are the hybrid children of the creepy fans and the horny fans, with a little bit of sexually frustrated added to the mix. They are crazy protective, crazy obsessive, and basically just ... crazy. Once encountered, DO NOT ENGAGE.

4. The "Cool" Fan

This fan acts all "cool" on social media and acts like they don't give a shit about a lot of stuff, but deep inside, they might. They aren't really crazy and they know how to control themselves, but nothing's gonna stop them from reading those smutty fanfics under the sheets. It is usually safe to interact with such fans. They are quite common, too. The cool fans are also the people you usually see hating on other types of fans, trying to be all "different" and shit but the truth is ... they aren't. I see them all the fucking time on tumblr, and it's getting kinda lame. The tumblr page "Unpopular Kpop" is basically infested in them. They just try really hard to seem "smarter" and "more mature" than others (Not gonna lie, I can be one of those, sometimes).

5. The Not-A-Fan Fan

Precisely — they're not really "fans." They can listen to music without obsessing hard over it or giving two fucks about the members or their personalities.

Also, they don't really exist, to my knowledge.

6. The Hater Fan

Fans that will find anything, ANYTHING to hate on. Basically, they're little bitches with their panties high up their asses. It's usually useless fighting with such fans, which people seem to do anyway, fortunately for the entertainment of others.

7. The Observer

These are the smarter fans out there — they don't go around boasting about their smartass opinions, but rather, keeping them to themselves. These are the people at the back eating popcorn while others fight over mundane shit. They feed off the pain and anger of others; they are the maniacs behind the keyboard. They usually don't give a shit about a lot of stuff.

So those are all the types of fans I could think of, since I don't really ... think much. I hope you found this educational! Let me know if I missed any and comment below what type of fan YOU think you are. I was actually planning on making a quiz but realized it was a lot of work and eventually got lazy. So, I made a poll instead, and you can tick "Other" and type in your own answer.

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The Crayon Pop Twins Identification Test

September 7, 2015, 8:17 am

≫ Next: CL Tries to Pull a Saul Williams and Fails + Relationship Works

≪ Previous: Types of Fans

Avid k-pop fans are having the trouble telling the difference between Crayon Pop's twins, Choa and Way. Kpopalypse is here to help!

There are already several helpful guides available online to assist Crayon Pop fans to tell the difference between these two girls, so a simple websearch should give you all that you need to tell Choa and Way apart under normal circumstances. But what about those more unusual circumstances in life where the distinction may not be immediately obvious, but where it might still be important to be able to differentiate between the two girls? Read on for a helpful list of questions and answers that I've prepared, which will help you and the people you love differentiate Choa and Way in those crucial important times of need!

THE CRAYON POP TWINS IDENTIFICATION TEST

Scenario 1: You're at school, talking among your friends. One of your friends says that Crayon Pop is great, and you reply that you've never really been all that into them, and you're concerned about their iljin thug lifestyle influencing k-pop fans. Later on that day, a posse of 100 girls is waiting for you at the front gate as you leave for the day and they kick your ass all the way home. Who organised your ass-beating, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 2: You're a well-known western pop star, and a big Crayon Pop fan, so you've hired them to open for your big arena tour of the USA. You stand at the side of the stage and watch their show, one of the twins seems more hyped than usual and carries the crowd in the palm of her hand. Then you go backstage, and you realise why - all the lines of methamphetamine that your backstage handlers had prepared for you have already been snorted! Which twin is responsible for the theft of your valuable hard drugs supply, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 3: You're an uncle fan pervert and you're at a Crayon Pop concert, watching the Crayon Pop twins'... twins. In a frenzy of extreme sexual frustration and loneliness, you jump onto the stage and attempt to grope one of the girl's boobs. Prepared for your advance, the girl in question expertly dodges the grope attempt while the group's security block you, escort you outside and beat the shit out of you. Which twin was the target of your misguided creepy affections, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 4: You're at a scenic lookout on top of a high cliff face, watching the sunset. There is also a big crowd of tourists here, and the Crayon Pop girls are here too, looking at the view. You can see the twins are getting frustrated as they are shorter than most people here and it's hard for them to see over the shoulders of the taller tourists in front of them. Suddenly, you hear a scream as a man falls over the guard rail to his death. He was standing right in front of the twins, who begin whispering to each other and acting suspiciously. Which twin is responsible, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 5: You're at home minding your own business when suddenly a horse's severed head flies through the window and lands on your bed. Obviously Crayon Pop are responsible so you call the police, who arrive quickly and detain all five girls. The Crayon Pop members cooperate with the police and allow themselves to be handcuffed, knowing that they can buy their way out of jail later. The police then get out their clubs and start savagely beating one of the twins, even though she is not resisting arrest. Is the victim of police brutality Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 6: You're in the front row at a Crayon Pop guerilla concert at a shopping centre when suddenly you realise you need to do some Internet banking, so you pull out your phone and check your bank balance online using the shopping centre's free wi-fi. The next day, you notice unauthorised withdrawals on your account, debited to "Way's Girls Redistribution Fund". You know Crayon Pop are responsible, but who performed this cybercriminal activity, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 7: You're at home minding your own business when you hear a loud shout of "keu-ray-eon-pop!" and then your front door is kicked in. The Crayon Pop twins have invaded your house, and you remember that you never did get around to making that Western Union money transfer to Way's Girls. With nowhere to hide, you use your amazing ninja powers to cling to the ceiling in your hallway, hoping that the twins pass under you and don't look up and detect your presence. One of the twins doesn't notice, but the other one sees you hanging down from the ceiling out of the corner of her eye. "Jumping, jumping, I see" she says, staring up at you. Who has spotted you, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 8: The Crayon Pop twins have invaded your house again, so they can attempt to recover your large accumulated debts to Way's Girls. Now knowing that the threat is real, you've prepared for this raid in advance, and you are hiding in a basement part of your house underneath the lounge room floorboards, accessible only through a secret door hidden behind your bookcase. After a long scan of the house, the Crayon Pop girls are about to leave, when you accidentally cough - you try to suppress it as best you can, but one of the twins shouts "Wait! He's under the floorboards!" Which of the twins has heard you - Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 9: You're a man with an abnormally large penis and you're down at the toilet of your local strip club getting an anonymous blowjob through a hole in the cubicle wall. The person giving you the blowjob in the next cubicle seems to be having trouble fitting their lips around your cock. Eventually the person gives up and someone else starts, the fit of the new person's mouth is just right and you cum quickly. After you clean yourself off, you exit the cubicle and you see Choa and Way, both wiping their mouths and talking about the large cock they just sucked. Who did you cum inside of, Choa or Way? Click the picture for the answer.

Scenario 10: You failed to meet your monthly protection payments to Way's Girls yet again and you are being tortured in the basement of the Chrome Entertainment building. You are strapped into a chair and the masked girl in front of you asks you again where her payment is. She produces a small saw blade and explains that it is a medical-grade saw especially designed for sawing into bone, and advises you that you will be given a practical demonstration of this shortly. She waves the blade in front of your face, and you notice engraved on the blade are the words "with love, from Jessica - hope you find this as useful as I did - keu-ray-eon-pop!". Who is torturing you, Choa or Way? Cllick the picture for the answer.

Perhaps you got all the questions right, but if not - don't worry, at least this was a "dry run" and your life wasn't really in danger! Hopefully this guide has been helpful and you can now differentiate between Choa and Way in all circumstances! Feel free to bask in your newfound wisdom and enlightenment!

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CL Tries to Pull a Saul Williams and Fails + Relationship Works

September 8, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: Weekly Showdown: Red Velvet Special!

≪ Previous: The Crayon Pop Twins Identification Test

Look, I got nothing against CL. In fact, she's my 2NE1 bias mostly for being the most interesting and entertaining member as well as being the most attractive member in the group to me. However, we can't deny that she's approaching some of the issues she's been discussing rather ignorantly.

Some quotes from a recent magazine shoot include "All Asian girls are basic because it's safe" and "I feel that I've done so much to help my women." Now, this is not only having a majorly sized ego but damaging to your race of people.

Note, I didn't say nationality because she doesn't just say Korean girls but Asian girls in general.

CL probably didn't mean for it to be insulting, but it does come off rather typical. So let's take a look at something right quick. There is a way to approach negative stereotypes of people and building up your race while simultaneously crushing them is not the way to go. Here is an example on how to tackle stereotypes in a good sense:

I learned about Saul Williams last year in my English class, and the poem we had to break down was "Amethyst Rocks." For those of you that are not too English-savvy, basically Saul is tackling negative portrayals of African Americans. I'm not going to go too in depth about the poem, because that would be way too long and way too boring of a post. Since I'm Black, I could see where he was coming from: Stereotypes are only negative because we let them have a negative meaning. But this can go for practically anyone who has a negative stereotype. For instance: How and why in the fuck did eating watermelon become something negative? People gave it that negative twist. It's the same thing with censorship: Tits and dicks aren't something inherently offensive until you get over protective/overly sensitive people trying to dictate what is acceptable and what is not.

So CL was basically calling out Asian stereotypes, but instead of trying to get people to see the positive sides of those stereotypes, she flat out insults them. So I'm going to break down the main stereotype she discusses: female submission.

She talks about how it's bad that Asian women are submissive in relationships, and yes, Korea has an issue because a woman can be the dominate one in the relationship but they appear to carry old fashioned gender roles to a tea, however she doesn't discuss them in a way that can change that mentality. Instead, she plays into the Western mold of out-right wearing shame on it. Which portraits another stereotype the West has about Asians carrying self-hate.

But when it comes to relationships, there needs to be a balance of dominance and submission (I'm not talking about BDSM but other stuff outside of sex in a relationship). And both are equally important; however, people tend to overlook the importance of that.

Yura and Suzy know what I'm talking about.

A "submissive" role in a relationship is not taking orders from your lover and doing whatever they say — that is a slave. Think of it like this: The dominant "role" in the relationship is the brick, and submissive "role" of the relationship is the adhesive that keeps it all together. They both need each other, and both are vitally important for a healthy relationship. It doesn't matter which sex takes on what, as long as the balance is there.

So does Taeyeon and Baekhyun.

Now anyone who tells you that a man is the dominant role of a relationship is lying, and anyone who tells you a woman is always the dominant role in the relationship is lying. You simply cannot put a sex/gender on something like that, and the minute you do, you get issues. Some people are just more dominant/submissive than others, and they come in ever race, gender, etc. ... Plus, these factors can change depending on the perspective of who's looking at it. This also doesn't mean that one person is dominant 100% of the time and one person is submissive 100% of the time. Sometimes, you'll have to be a brick, and sometimes, you'll have to be the adhesive.

If you get two overly dominant people in a relationship, they're going to have a hard time getting along and same for submissive people. I'm not saying it's impossible (nothing is impossible), but it's going to be extremely hard. This probably explains my attraction to idols like Onew and Jimin versus, say, Bobby. I'm too dominant to be with Bobby, and we'd probably spend more time trying to out-hip-hop each other versus trying to make the relationship work.

J-Hope and Jimin for fun. Watch all of it.

Now I'm not saying CL has no right to discuss gender issues and gender roles in Korea, because they do exist. But she shouldn't just outright go about perpetrating a stereotype and on top of that, only express the negatives of that stereotype. On one hand, CL is a k-pop idol and expecting her to be a spokesperson for political issues or whatever is asking a bit too much. But at the same time, a lot of people look up to CL, and a lot of them are young females who are already being exposed to a one-sided view of looking at things, and arguably, the No. 1 things young people and teenagers are never really taught about well are relationships.

In the end, CL is harmless, but she is a huge public figure and perpetrating stereotypes like that does more harm than good.

CL's reaction to this post

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Weekly Showdown: Red Velvet Special!

September 10, 2015, 8:15 am

≫ Next: Best of the Worst: Sept. 10, 2015

≪ Previous: CL Tries to Pull a Saul Williams and Fails + Relationship Works

So Red Velvet recently came back with "Dumb Dumb," which was a pretty good song, and the best thing is that it gets better every time you hear it. My only complaint: Irene's bullshit rap break. She should just stick to being pretty.

Before I get to the actual showdown, it's time to reveal last showdown's results! I was pleasantly surprised to see that "Rainstorm" won over "Dark Panda" by a good 20 votes. My best guess is that some people just aren't into hipster trap music (so sorry if both are considered trap music. I hardly know anything about musical genres, and I basically skipped through half of Kpopalypse's music genre-educational-article-thingy-thing because I could hardly understand shit. So sorry to Kpopalypse, too. You're awesome and all, but I should probably just stick to learning about photosynthesis).

This week's showdown features RV's top two releases of the year, "Ice Cream Cake" and "Dumb Dumb."

Best 2015 Red Velvet Release?

I didn't even like "Ice Cream Cake" that much. Honestly, the song is a little too noisy and all over the place for me. I did like it for a short while, but now I just ... don't. So yeah, it's "Dumb Dumb" for me.

Results will be revealed next week!

(If I actually post next week)

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Best of the Worst: Sept. 10, 2015

September 10, 2015, 8:37 pm

≫ Next: Your Summer 2015 favourites

≪ Previous: Weekly Showdown: Red Velvet Special!

Hola, friends! We are back with another round of Best of the Worst. This week, we have an idol with naughty hands, a drunk star making a scene during someone else's performance, and an epic battle of "Who Wore It Better"— Seolhyun or Cardboard Cutout Seolhyun?

Seolhyun shows off how realistic her photo is.

Irene often cops a feel of other Red Velvet members.

Jackson's the kind of boy ~~Hani wants~~ to bring home to mother

Exo-Ls disobey "Sketchbook" rules, while Koreaboo continues its practice of wildly exaggerated headlines. Someone should create a Koreaboo headline generator. It could be like Mad Libs: just plug in your favorite group's name, a hyperbolic verb, and a number, to be safe.

Roy Kim gets a little tipsy, "performs" during Younha stage, gets escorted out by security. The video is fairly amusing.

GFRIEND reassures fans that they're OK after having to perform in dismal conditions. This video was not at all amusing. (But it does have more than 5 million views for whatever it's worth.)

EXID's Hani talks about what a nice boy GOT7's Jackson is.

"Unpretty Rapstar 2" contestant KittiB talks about how difficult it is to rap well under the show's filming conditions. Turns out, not everyone in season one sucks so bad at rapping. Just most of them.

And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: We now know what's in G-Dragon's fridge — rich people food.

Shocking, I know.

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Your Summer 2015 favourites

September 12, 2015, 12:24 pm

≫ Next: POSITIVE post - Siwon (Super Junior)

≪ Previous: Best of the Worst: Sept. 10, 2015

It's late, but it's finally here. The results of the Summer 2015 Hits. Your favourites. Who got the most votes? Who didn't get that many? Let's find out in a very long, not very wordy, post!

Let's start with the songs that weren't that popular, with votes ranging from 1-5.

"My Everything" by Bumkey

This was a nice slow song that isn't terrible.

"Simon Dominic" by Simon Dominic

Other than the "oh oh" added after her spells his name, I actually liked this song. It has a nice back track, and the rapping was good. It didn't particularly stand out with all the group releases, but this was one of the better rap tracks released this summer.

"Yes or No" by Nine Muses

A cute song. If you weren't the biggest fan of "Hurt Locker," this is probably better for you.

"My Last" by Jay Park

Jay Park and Co. have a holiday where they drool over a girl. It's a nice tune, but if you aren't the biggest fan of Jay Park singing for long periods of time, I suggest staying away. Otherwise, this was a decent song, nothing special, but it's nice.

"Shut Up" by Baechigi

This was one of my favourites of the summer as I previously stated, a nice chill song. I suggest just watching the music video for Solji from EXID if you aren't willing to listen to it. It's worth it to see Solji.

"Love Shake" by Minx

Minx's debut was perfect. This song, not so much. It's your average bland summer concept song. If you liked Dal Shabet's version and wanted a fresh spin on it though, it's here for you.

"Where You At" by JJCC

These boys continue to be crimes against fashion in their latest comeback. But the song is a solid "heep hap" track. JJCC added two new members this comeback, and they don't ruin the group. So if you were worried about that and stayed away from this song, give it a go.

"Honey Summer" by NS Yoon-G

A fan service video to distract you from a bland song.

"Dream Candy" by April

April is like Kara if Kara were all underage and had innocent cute songs. "Dream Candy" is a nice song, but if you didn't like A Pink's latest comeback, it's probably not for you.

"Won & Only" by Simon Dominic

Better than "Simon Dominic," a nice chill song

"Love Me Do" by Jang Jane

You already know my thoughts — a very nice, upbeat slow song. If you like Lim Kim, this is for you.

"Respect" by Loco

Your standard Loco song, a solid track

"Choco Chip Cookie" by Gu Hara

This isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but it definitely shouldn't have been her title track.

"We Like to Party" by Big Bang

If you ever wanted a Korean equivalent of "Teenage Dirtbag," this is it.

"Dark Panda" by Hyolyn, Zico and Paloalto

This exists.

"It's Okay" by BTOB

BTOB showcase their vocals.

"Allday Allnight" by Jakop, Raina, WuNo and DayDay

Nice visuals. Doesn't really go anywhere.

"Yey" by Beast

"Yey" reminds me of most of Big Bang's stuff. But better.

"Zutter" by Big Bang

This song showcases that Big Bang is just better as subgroups or soloists. I actually like "Zutter." It's worth a listen.

"Doing It" by Verbal Jint

Actually a decent song if you give it a shot

"Chewy" by D.Holic

A solid release from a group that no one knows

****

That first group had lots of songs, including a few I liked that didn't quite rank that well. Oh well. Let's move on to those that received 6-15 votes.

"Sweet Girl" by B1A4

Not a fan of all the try-hard songs boy groups release these days? Then give B1A4 a listen. If you liked the earlier C-Clown stuff, this group is as close as you'll get to hearing anything similar.

"Oasis" by Crush

If you can ignore Zico, this is a good song.

"Love Me Right" by Exo

It's like someone took a SHINee song and gave it to Exo. Am I the only one thinks this? Anyway, if you didn't like "Call Me Baby" but like the rest of the Exo discography, this makes up for it, kind of.

"Petal" by A Pink

Tired of A Pink's title track? Then here you go. "Petal" is "same same" but different, and better.

"You & Me" by Kisum

Kisum was the best thing to come from "Unpretty Rapstar." This song is nice to listen to when you want to relax.

"Mannequin" by Primary

Primary did a great job with the track. To my surprise, Beenzino's rap break didn't break the song. Solid song.

"Gotta Go To Work" by Beast

This is also something that exists.

"Party" by Girls Generation

Better than "Lion Heart"

"Cushion" by Sonamoo

Don't read the lyrics. If you liked "Deja Vu," this is just as solid.

"Attention" by Wanna.B

A very solid release from a great nugu group

"Beautiful Liar" by Vixx LR

Nice song. A bit too dramatic.

"Devil" by Super Junior

"Devil" is a jazzy little hit that's not as terrible as the last thing they released.

"Shake It" by Sistar

"Shake It" is your standard Sistar summer song: catchy but not fantastic.

"Pippi" by 2Eyes

It's like CLC's "Pepe," but not.

"Bang Bang Bang" by Big Bang

All I can say is electronic farts. And also, because it followed the pattern of "Bae Bae," splitting the song into pretty much five different sections to suit each member, it's actually alright. If you wanted to like "Bae Bae" but couldn't, this is your song.

"Remember" by A Pink

Another song that just ... exists

"My House" by 2PM

If you liked "ADTOY" but not "Crazy," you'll probably like this song. It takes a few listens to really get into though.

***
A few surprises were in that category, like Primary's "Mannequin." Really? And "Shake It" by Sistar. I know the song was pretty bad, but I must admit it was catchy. Apparently, there aren't that many 2PM fans who read this blog either. Moving on though, here are the top 17, as voted by you.

"Playback" by Playback - 17 votes

My top song of the summer

"Just Right" by Got7 - 17 votes

One of my favourites this summer

"Ring My Bell" by Girl's Day - 18 votes

A catchy, repetitive, solid track that's better than "Hello Bubble"

"Me Gusta Tu" by GFriend - 21 votes

Everyone seems to be in love with this song/group, so try to join the club.

"Bad" by Infinite - 23 votes

I really did love this song. If you're not a fan of Infinite's past discography, try giving this one a go. Infinite has tied as the highest ranking boy group on this list.

"Married to the Music" by SHINee - 23 votes

This is a great song from SHINee and tied with Infinite for highest ranking boy group song on this list, which was interesting.

"So Crazy" by T-ara - 25 votes

T-ara continues to be amazing with this release. If you listened to it but didn't like it, I heavily recommend the Chinese version; although it's mostly in Korean, it really sold the song for me.

"Lion Heart" by Girls Generation - 26 votes

I'm not a big fan of SNSD. I don't want to offend, so I'll just say it's a decent song if you like SNSD.

"Um Ah Oh Yeah" by Mamamoo - 29 votes

It's Mamamoo. Not the best track, but they still manage to make it pretty great.

"I Feel You" by Wonder Girls - 29 votes

If you like '80s-style songs, Wonder Girls has you covered.

"Roll Deep" by HyunA - 30 votes

If you're wondering what the difference is between the first uploaded version and the "original version," it's about five two-second shots that show more fan service. This was one of my top 7.

"Don't Be Shy" by Primary - 31 votes

This song also was featured in my list.

"You Think" by Girls Generation - 32 votes

Contrary to Oreo Monsters Weekly Showdown, You Think placed higher this time than Lion Heart. Make up your minds guys.

"Hurt Locker" by Nine Muses - 34 votes

I really thought this would've placed at No. 1 with all the hype everyone gave it, saying it was the best song of the summer releases. It is a great song though and does deserve its place as No. 4.

"I'm Ill / I'm Art" by Hello Venus - 39 votes

This was a surprise. I personally didn't find this as great as "Wiggle wiggle" or "Sticky sticky," which was why, even though I am a massive Hello Venus fan, I didn't cover its release. But ya'll seem to love it. So I will point out what I liked about this song. Seoyoung wasn't forced to sound terrible; it's a miracle. And the visuals were on point.

"Heart Attack" by AOA - 47 votes

Everyone disliked this song when it came out. I think the brainwashing got to us all, because somehow AOA has placed at No. 2, above "Hurt Locker." Shocking. All I can say is if you haven't listened to this song yet, play it around 10 times and you will be singing "badda badda baddaesoyo"

"Vibrato" by Stellar - 55 votes

Stellar takes No. 1, as the favourite 2015 summer k-pop song.
"Vibrator is simply a great song. I don't know enough of the technical aspects of music to express why it is so good" - HanYeSeul Fag
I quote others because I wasn't that into this song. A large majority of the k-pop world seemed to enjoy this song (I mean those who weren't ranting over its sexualisation).

****
So there you have it: the favourite songs of k-pop summer 2015. How do your views match up compared to the masses? Do you like the lesser voted songs? Or the more popular ones? Or are you all over the place? Do the top songs really deserve their title?

↧

POSITIVE post - Siwon (Super Junior)

September 13, 2015, 5:56 am

≫ Next: Who Siwon Should Have Supported

≪ Previous: Your Summer 2015 favourites

Kpopalypse is back one again, fighting against the forces of cynicism and negativity in k-pop with another POSITIVE post! The subject of today's POSITIVE post is Super Junior's Siwon!

It's tough when you're a celebrity in a strictly conservative country and you have views and lifestyles that are not accepted by the majority of the population. Nobody know this better than the Rock Hudson of k-pop, Super Junior's Choi Siwon.

Destined to a life in the closet due to the ignorance and mean-spiritedness of k-pop fans and Korean society at large which would make Super Junior unmarketable if he was openly gay, Super Junior's icon of gender fluidity has no choice but to keep his sexual preferences a secret. Nevertheless, he does his best to teach acceptance and love of people all across the sexual spectrum within the strict limitations of his public image as an SM Entertainment superstar. Let's take a moment to share and celebrate some of the ways Siwon is sticking up for the rights of the LGBT community!

The first and most obvious way is by openly promoting the gay lifestyle through Super Junior's concert appearances. Siwon's copious skinship with other male k-pop stars is no secret and frequently on display for all.

Guys with dripping wet bodies is a noted homosexual fetish - rest assured this type of man-on-man action isn't just for the ladies (although the gender-inclusive Siwon won't mind if they appreciate it too, of course). He might not be able to say it, but he can still spray it - or whisper it quietly in someone's ear.

Some may be surprised by Siwon's openly gay behaviour onstage, especially given his devout Christianity - but unlike some Christians, Siwon has actually read the Bible and fully understood its message. Let's take a look at some relevant Bible quotes which I have no doubt Siwon is familiar with.

Some people think that Siwon is against same-sex marriage, and that's probably true: after all marriage means commitment to one sexual partner, and Siwon is nothing if not a traditionalist, so therefore marriage would limit his opportunity to play the field amongst other Super Junior members. He wouldn't want monogamy to catch on so let's not blame a man for being a bit selfish and instead appreciate his commitment to sexual freedom. Siwon doesn't judge others, here he is getting up close and personal with SHINee's Jonghyun, SM labelmate plus a fearless defender of gay rights. Jonghyun wants nothing more than to play with Hitomi Tanaka's boobs but Siwon still has time for showing camaraderie with his SM brethern as well as helping his fans understand acceptance and tolerance.

(okay so that’s actually Zhoumi but if it’s close enough for a SHINee fansite it’s close enough for me)

To this end Siwon has done his best to raise awareness of the disgusting and illegal homophobia present in the case of Kim Davis, by retweeting (and tellingly, not favouriting) one of her supporter's misguided Twitter statements.

I understand Siwon perfectly here - I also like to retweet misguided statements on Twitter in order to call them under greater attention, scrutiny and criticism.

Of course, people inevitably misunderstood Siwon's intentions and got a bit sensitive about it, but rather than try to self-righteously explain himself and potentially cause further anguish, Siwon felt bad that he hurt people's feelings and so he apologised:

What a nice man, certainly a nicer man than me. But Siwon isn't just about sticking up for gays, he's here to do what he can to broaden acceptance for all sexualities. Here he is bravely donning a dress in order to show his support for transgender people and drag queens:

For those complaining "isn't this reverse discrimination, as a straight person why am I left out in the cold? Does Siwon not love me?" - fear not, Siwon is looking after your interests also! A shining beacon of gender tolerance, here's Siwon getting cozy with SNSD's Tiffany. Siwon knows he's a role model for young people so he does his best to roleplay a straight person so young heterosexual k-pop fans don't feel alienated. Note that Siwon's arm isn't actually touching Tiffany, he's carefully avoiding any physical contact with her - but he gets as close to her as his sexual disposition will allow. You can practically see the sweat on his brow in this picture, he's clearly uncomfortable and this is hard work for him - but Siwon cares about his fans and he's a professional, so he tries his best to look as relaxed as he can.

Another similar picture. Notice how he touches the cup, not her body. Clearly Siwon is uncomfortable posing so close to an actual woman here, but he's thinking of the heterosexual fans first and about how they would feel alienated and disenfranchised if he didn't pander to their wishes to see him with an attractive woman every so often.

super-junior-siwon-for-caf-latte-endorsement

Check out the expression on his face below where he actually has to touch a woman. Siwon is clearly holding back some serious angst here, he looks like a balloon about to burst with the energy of "fuck this shit get me outta here". The poor guy, I bet as soon as this shoot was over he had a long hot shower and several deep breaths.

Stunningly awkward photos of Siwon cosplaying as a heterosexual posing with women are all over the Internet, it's hard not to feel for him in what surely must be confronting moments for him. In the following photo he's clearly a little closer to the young lady's face than he is comfortable with, it's only her iron grip on his scarf that's keeping him there.

Is there a more virtuous and self-sacrificing man in k-pop than Super Junior's Siwon? Let's all share and spread this rainbow picture of Siwon across social networks in order to show our support for his consistently kind and caring nature, and his endless work to bring about pan-sexual tolerance and acceptance!

That's it for another Kpopalypse POSITIVE post! More positivity will be returning to Kpopalypse blog soon!

↧

Who Siwon Should Have Supported

September 13, 2015, 7:10 am

≫ Next: [Review] DIA - Somehow

≪ Previous: POSITIVE post - Siwon (Super Junior)

So I have been really busy this week and have spent about 10 minutes on K-pop this week, with 9 of those watching Red Velvet's "Dumb Dumb" and the other minute seeing SJWs around the K-pop blogosphere being intolerant of Siwon's intolerant views...which should make his views tolerant then, right?

Anyway, Siwon shouldn't have supported Kim Davis. Here's who he should have supported:

Yes, as President Black Bush so eloquently put it, "That shit is gross!"

I'm just sick and tired of seeing SJWs on every K-pop site (and sadly, someone had to post an SJW article about it here) pissing and moaning about how someone's views don't match their own.

News flash: The world doesn't revolve around you and doesn't conform to your every wish and desire. People aren't required to think like you do. If Siwon wants to think this shit is gross, that's his right.

↧

[Review] DIA - Somehow

September 15, 2015, 10:01 pm

≫ Next: Best of the Worst: Sept. 17, 2015

≪ Previous: Who Siwon Should Have Supported

At first, I thought the Flavor Flav sample would be the only great thing about this debut song, but I was so, so wrong.

When DIA first released their teaser, I just thought they'd be another rehash of A Pink. Shit, they even have A Pink's producer, Shinsadong Tiger, in on this, but they somehow manage to have their own identity, and that's mostly because A Pink hasn't done this style of song in a loooong time.

"Somehow" is the A Pink song I wanted this year. Don't get me wrong: I like "Remember," but it's not as great as "My My" was. That's what "Somehow" reminds me of song-wise. What I liked about "My My" is that it incorporated hip-hop into what would have been a very saccharine and sugary '90s pop song, and K-pop has enough of those. I liked "No No No" as well as "Mr. Chu," and I finally thought they were going back to incorporating hip-hop in their songs with the great "LUV." But "Remember" was basically a '90s summer anthem. There's nothing wrong with that, but still ...

"Somehow" takes the sugary pop tune and adds spice to it by adding some umph, and I'm not just talking about the P.E. references. Instead of going for a trap (thank God) or a dubstep (that GOD) breakdown, it goes for a hip-hop breakdown that actually matches the song verses just being inserted in there out of left field. The verses could be stronger, but every other part of the song makes up for it right down to the "Dee Ahh Ehhh." This is truly one of the best and strongest tributes to the one underrated style of '90s pop music from a K-pop girl group in a long time. I've been replaying the crap out of it.

As of now, I've only talked about the song, so onto the video. I actually first heard "Somehow" on SoundCloud, because my phone doesn't play videos well and I still wanted to listen to the song. The video is fairly standard for this concept. The only thing really spectacular about it was that it was shot in Hong Kong, which I think is pretty damn cool. It appears MBK is trying to focus more on the Chinese market overall. The only other thing worth mentioning is the members actually do A Pink's "My My" butt dance during the "Nananana" parts; however, the baggy jerseys prevent any actual ass from being seen. If you like how the members of DIA look, then you should enjoy the video just fine. I know most people will take a liking to Seunghee, but I find myself liking Euijin more.

All the members wind up looking good. I really like the sequined clothing they wear. Only one of them winds up getting shafted, and it's because of her piss-blond hair. I really wish these companies would stop with the blond hair, because most of them aren't getting it right. Instead of trying to make the blond actually go well with the performer's face and skin-tone, the stylist just go for the "Took a piss on your head" or "I poured actual bleach on your hair" look. MyB is an example of this.

Lastly, I'd like to mention the group's name and how confusing it is. At first, I thought it would be pronounced "Dee-ahh," but according to the hangul in the video, it's pronounced "Dahh-ee-ahh," like the beginning of "Diamond." However, they even wear shirts that say "DIAMOND" across them, and their symbol is a diamond. So why didn't MBK just name them Diamond? What's also confusing is that DIA is an acronym for "Do It Amazing" (lmao). They should have just been named D-A, so they could fall in the same pattern as T-ara and F-ve Dolls. It would have been soooooo glorious.

I guess since MBK knew that netizens would shit on DIA just for being associated with T-ara they did a track featuring Qri's microdot, "Lean On Me," which is a more salvageable version of GFriend's "Glass Bead":

Overall, I enjoyed DIA's debut, and although it's pretty standard video-wise, "Somehow" is still one that I see myself replaying a lot the rest of the year.

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Best of the Worst: Sept. 17, 2015

September 17, 2015, 9:44 pm

≫ Next: Up10tion - 'So Dangerous'

≪ Previous: [Review] DIA - Somehow

Wow, people were really mad this week about all kinds of stupid shit. There's always some people making a big deal about nothing, but this week had a much higher than average pissy meter.

Netizens got "outraged" at a company's choice of transportation for their singer, an idol's choice of bra, and lipstick application.

I think you got a little, uh, something on your lip.

Lovelyz fans are really upset at the stylist for the group's latest MV.

Dammit, Wheein! We could have seen a Hwasa nip slip.

Jellyfish Entertainment, company of VIXX, draws the wrath of fans for using "quick service" motorcycle to transport Ken around the city.

Fans think 2ne1's Dara should have debuted under SM. Reasons include her natural freshness, her immortal beauty, and the likelihood that Lee Soo Man would have helped adjust her nasally singing. That's really just a nice way of saying she's pretty and can't sing, like a lot of SM's artists.

Joy was shocked when she first saw Irene because of her beauty.

Girl's Day talks about male fan ~~replacing Hyeri~~ dancing on stage with them. Fess up: Which one of you fuckers was it?

Speaking of SM, another couple bites the dust as Taeyeon and Baekhyun break up.

Mamamoo's Wheein saves Hwasa from on-stage wardrobe malfunction. Sounds sexy.

And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Eunjung's choice of bra upsets netizens.

Why didn't you consult me about this beforehand, Eunjung?
Didn't you consider my feelings at all before you chose that bra?

↧

Up10tion - 'So Dangerous'

September 19, 2015, 11:39 am

≫ Next: Which Male Idols Do You Want to See More Of? - Results Cycle

≪ Previous: Best of the Worst: Sept. 17, 2015

Up10tion recently debuted with "So Dangerous" earlier this month (Sept. 10) and have peaked my interest because after watching the MV just once I couldn't get them out of my head.

It must've been the editor side of me, because I was quite impressed with the editing of the music video. Most rookie groups have terribly edited stuff, such as Hot Shot's "Take A Shot." After just finishing up a short film production (and five pages of documentation analyzing said short film), it was pleasant to watch a video with some nice edits. It was technically pleasing; I suppose that's why it stuck with me. Anyway, the 10-member rookie group show some potential, though probably will just remain in the background for music shows. I'm sure they'll carve out a nice niche audience for themselves. Their title song is an upbeat dance track with I'd say some edm influences. But I'm bad with genres, so I'm avoiding that. If your worried this song has carved out rap breaks, fear not: There's not really any.

The music video release included the intro song, "Tension Up," which allowed the boys to highlight their dancing and synchronization skills. Their actual title track, "So Dangerous," starts 48 seconds into the video. It reminds me of Monsta X's "Trespass." I'd give it like a 3.5/5, because it's catchy and flows from verse to chorus to whatever else smoothly enough. It also just makes me want to dance. The song is catchy in a good way. The "no-no-no-now" part keeps getting stuck in my head. But it's one of those genres where you have to listen to it at least twice to really figure out if you like the song or not.

With 10 members, there has to be a member for you; that's just how k-pop works. The more members the higher chance of you picking a bias and falling in love with them.

Jinhoo:

Kuhn:

Kogyeol:

Wei:

Bitto:

Wooshin:

Sunyoul:

Kyujin:

Xiao:

Hwanhee:

Strictly speaking about the music video visuals though, I have to say I'm proud of the stylists for not turning them into utter monsters like the prior photos. Their outfits match, but all of them have different variations of the style, which is always a good choice. My only complaint would have to be the outfits with the red on them:

It's to be expected, though. No male group can ever have a music video without one of the outfits looking stupid.

The dance also showcases their practice and has nice variation in it, as most moves are generally separated into groups where one group does one thing while another does something else. In this note, it isn't boring to watch. It reminds me a lot of BTS's concept trailer for "O!RUL82?" and Exo's "Wolf." So what I'm saying is the dance cuts are nice to watch.

The first song in the video is in black and white except for the yellow lights in the background, allowing for the focus to be on the dancers as their outfits are two toned and in this way are eye catching. The rest of the music video shows some rather jarring camera angles, but the editing of the group shots is quite on point. The shifts from having one member to more and the transitions from one outfit to another in the group shots work really well. I'm not particularly one for constant camera movement, but with the slight zooming in and out within these shots, it works.The only flaw I really have with it is the camera angles. The constant use of diagonal shots for the chorus probably was not the best choice.

Up10tion's mini album, "Top Secret," shows a different side of them vocally:

"Come as you are," the third track, is a chill, slow, happy song. It's nothing special, but it is one of my favourite songs on the album.

If "So Dangerous" wasn't the title track, "Never Ending" would've been. It's more upbeat than the previous song, a solid track.

"Phoenix" isn't the best track on the album. It starts off going one way, and then it gets to the chorus and sort of ruins the track. If you can get past the chorus, it's actually a good song.

"Come With Me" is a standard vocal song that ends the mini album, a slow but pleasant track.

***

With pretty solid songs, good visuals, great editing AND the added bonus of not shitty styling, these boys will stay on my to watch list. They're meant to be doing both Chinese and Korean debuts, so I hope we get a Chinese version of "So Dangerous" at least.

↧

Which Male Idols Do You Want to See More Of? - Results Cycle

September 20, 2015, 6:38 pm

≫ Next: Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 13: pinkfunniAde, Yaya, Nutaz

≪ Previous: Up10tion - 'So Dangerous'

JB didn't get voted on enough to make the list. I just think he's really fucking hot.

S O U R C E

I know this took forever, but I tallied everything up by hand and school started. But I'm back. I calculated to votes, and now you pick your top five male idols. The reasons why I didn't pick out of the list is because A LOT of them wound up with ties, hence the reason for this.

Basically, the votes were scattered. There were a lot of 1s and 2s as well as a few 20s and 15s. So basically, anybody who got under 15 didn't make it because that's not a whole lot of votes anyway (for this particular survey).

I'm giving you guys about two weeks to vote (I might extend it if you really want it). You can vote multiple times. After that, the choices will be closed, and I'll begin working on the final fap post.

Also, don't come bitching to me about how your fave got shafted. A lot of mine did, too. This was a readers' choice thing, and sometimes, you're going to be in the minority. But don't worry: I might add a couple AKF cult favorites for a surprise if you act good.

Vote here.

Also, big shout out to Oreo Monster for showing me poll-maker, because using google docs was hell.

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Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 13: pinkfunniAde, Yaya, Nutaz

September 22, 2015, 8:04 am

≫ Next: Weekly Showdown: The Most Epic Solo Debut Ever

≪ Previous: Which Male Idols Do You Want to See More Of? - Results Cycle

Hi there cao ni mas, and welcome to another episode of:

Your favourite series of music that nobody besides me and maybe three other people give a fuck about is back! Read on to listen to even more nugus for your nugutainment!

Every time I do an episode of Nugu Alert, I try to tie the videos together into some kind of theme. The list of themes so far have been:

Episode 1: Introduction to Nugu Alert
Episode 2: Female-fronted bands
Episode 3: Awkward dancing
Episode 4: Drama MVs
Episode 5: Genuinely cheap MVs
Episode 6: Ballads
Episode 7: Female rappers
Episode 8: Drug-influenced MVs
Episode 9: Budget cinematography
Episode 10: Camera filters and effects
Episode 11: Yoloswag trap
Episode 12: Odd musical choices

This time I thought I'd bring you something different and instead of collecting MVs under a particular theme, I'm just going to give you three songs that I think are not complete shit, and that maybe I think you should listen to because maybe you might like them too. Or maybe you'll think they're shit but then I don't really care that much, Nugu Alert posts have always been the least popular type of post that I do on Kpopalypse blog but I don't blog for popularity, I blog because I feel like it and in this case also to please my personal nugu fetish. So I guess "I would probably listen to these songs instead of lick a bulldog's ass" is the theme here. Usual rules apply: less than 20000 hits, your international k-pop loving friends don't care - but I do.

pinkfunniAde - Shez Punk

Let's start off with pinkfunniAde and this great melodic pop-punk song. K-pop fans raised on a diet of singers with super-pristine k-pop voices where every characteristic trace of human expression is electronically smoothed over into a generic mush of corporate-rubber-stamped blandness that sounds like an averaged-out computer algorithm of the last 15 years of k-pop singers mixed together might find the female singer's voice here to be an initial barrier to digging this song. However punk doesn't value "pristine perfect vocal" and never has - in punk music the fact that you may or may not be all that talented but still have the drive to give it a go anyway despite any shortcomings you might possess is the whole point. It's also worth noting as well that for all the singer's rough edges and out-of-tune notes this group and this song are both still way, way over on the "pop" end of the "pop/punk" spectrum. Settle down vocalfags because this is not exactly The Exploited, it's just a nice harmless piece of music that rocks maybe a little harder than whatever pussy shit your friends listen to. Also the girl is cute in a "you're definitely not my type but you kind of get over the line anyway because of your attitude" sort of way, and that doesn't hurt my appreciation levels because I just have to be that kind of objectifying bastard.

YouTube views at time of writing: 1330
Notable attribute: feminine hygiene products displayed in a way that is not gimmicky or playing off on any gross-out/humour factor
Nugu Alert rating: extreme

Yaya - Ghost

I've known about Yaya for years and I always had the impression that she was mildly successful in Korea or something, but judging by the amount of hits on her YouTube videos I'd say that either I'm wrong, or her bread and butter is just more in another part of the 186 things she does with her time, like web designing, music video directing, column writing, fashion styling, ben-wa bead crafting or whatever. Yaya has a pretty pro-looking website with some nice pictures and shit so she's at least pretty good at that part, and the song here is decent too, some kind of trip-hop/tango song with an odd almost stoner-rock feel with its layers of feedback and noise, like French doom band Monarch having a crack at playing Portishead songs on an accordion. It works well enough and it's actually really nice and did I mention the elephant in the room which is TITS and goddamn is she putting them out there. There are more boob shots in this video that you could possibly wish for, and before anyone gets started on any "oh look she's being exploited how dreadful" bullshit concern-trolling bandwagoning pseudofeminist claptrap remember that Yaya is an independent artist who directed this fucking video herself so you know she's 100% cool with everything that's going down here.

YouTube views at time of writing: 2925
Notable attribute: possibly the lowest amount of YouTube views ever in history for a video containing this much cleavage
Nugu Alert rating: extreme

Nutaz - Whatever Happens, I Will Try To Achieve My Dream

T-ara, DIA, SPEED, The Seeya, Gangkiz, F-ve Dolls... Nutaz. One of these things is not like the others. MBK's best kept secret is hip-hop nugus Nutaz and they could be possibly the most nugu group alive. People who think of MBK as a "smaller k-pop label" need to remember that MBK is a subsidiary of CJE&M which itself is a subsidiary of CJ Group, a big-ass corporation with fingers in everything from pharmaceuticals to home shopping and that pretty much owns the other 33% of South Korea that Samsung and LG don't own. It's a much larger business entity than SM and YG in terms of both the scope of the entire organisation and the raw amount of money involved, so for Nutaz to maintain such a consistently low profile while being hooked up to one of Korea's most sprawling corporate entities surely makes them the nugu masters. What's even more astonishing is that they're keeping this low profile with the kind of a-little-bit-rough-but-not-really-that-rough-so-don't-get-scared-kids mid-tempo DJ-Premier-on-a-lazy-day hip-hop shit that Korea usually can't get enough of. Actually it's better than most of that stuff, the beat here is pretty damn decent so maybe that's the problem - the shit I like never seems to chart any good so I guess too much quality in music doesn't sit that well with Koreans who would probably rather be listening to some weak-ass ballad bullshit and typing paragraphs about things like "resonance" and "nasality" like anybody with a life gives a fucking shit.

YouTube views at time of writing: 2234
Notable attribute: like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, we'll never truly know what's in those backpacks
Nugu Alert rating: off the chart

That's it once again for another episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! Oh, and thanks to all the caonimas who are sending in Nugu Alert submissions to me via Twitter and ask.fm, I appreciate it! If I don't reply to your submission, take that as a good sign, as I tend to only reply to the submissions that I definitely won't use in future episodes. Anyway thanks for reading and Kpopalypse Nugu Alert will return in the future!

↧

Weekly Showdown: The Most Epic Solo Debut Ever

September 23, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: I'm Offended That Star Empire is Offended Because 2015 is the Year of being Offended

≪ Previous: Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 13: pinkfunniAde, Yaya, Nutaz

I can already tell this is gonna be the most epic showdown ever.

Yup, I'm putting Luhan's "That Good Good" against Z.Tao's "T.A.O" for the MOST. EPIC. SOLO. DEBUT. EVERRRRR. All you other solo wannabe bitches can get out the way. This is the real fucking shit! Can't you see how swaggerlicious Luhan looks in that red dollar-store training suit? GD, take note. And look at Tao's music video, with them tigers and shit that have nothing to do with anything. Goals right there. In fact, these solo debuts are so epic that I don't give a shit that it's not even Kpop.

Oh sorry, I was so lost in the epicness that I forgot to reveal the last showdown's results. As sort of expected, "Dumb Dumb" took the win with 58% of the votes on its side. It's worth noting that I liked 4 out of the 10 songs in Red Velvet's new album, "The Red," which is pretty damn good (for me, at least), since I hardly ever listen to non-title tracks.

Now, back to the awesome stuff! Drop a vote below for your favorite solo debut!

Most Epic Solo Debut

I'm gonna have to go with "That Good Good." Even though it's repetitive, it's still pretty fucking catchy.

↧

I'm Offended That Star Empire is Offended Because 2015 is the Year of being Offended

September 24, 2015, 6:37 pm

≫ Next: The Kpopalypse 2015 end of year caonima activity survey

≪ Previous: Weekly Showdown: The Most Epic Solo Debut Ever

Hey Klogg, your gifs are so popular I find them even when I use Google in Korean.

So Star Empire is offended and shit, and when you're offended, you sue and shit, because that's the cool thing to do.

I propose that we file a lawsuit against Star Empire for offending us by not showing us Kyungri's cleavage more often. I feel extremely offended on the behalf of women who don't feel free to display all of the work they put into their bodies. I feel offended that Star Empire thinks that I don't deserve to see Kyungri's hot body more often.

I don't know what the "offensive" poster is, but I feel offended that Star Empire doesn't want me to see it. I feel offended that Star Empire is denying people who photoshop idols.

I feel offended that Star Empire and Kyungri would feel offended if I edited this picture using MS Paint, because this picture gives me several options on how I could offend people.

And yes, if you are offended by this post, I'm offended by your lack of tolerance, you offensive bigot.

(And I make my return, though I probably won't start posting regularly until the first week of October. It's the middle of recruiting season, so even as a professional, I still have to be heavily involved with it on top of working and studying for the CPA exam. The bulk of recruiting is over soon, so HYSF [who is busy interviewing and everything] and I will get on the massive backlog of girl group songs/MVs to review.

I'll only be back until the end of December, the very beginning of January at the latest before I have to go on another hiatus, so enjoy!)

↧

The Kpopalypse 2015 end of year caonima activity survey

September 24, 2015, 7:58 pm

≫ Next: Best of the Worst: Sept. 25, 2015

≪ Previous: I'm Offended That Star Empire is Offended Because 2015 is the Year of being Offended

Hi everyone - Kpopalypse is back with a new survey for your fun feedback and entertainment!

I survey my readers every half-year, so this will be the last big-ass Kpopalypse survey for 2015. Click the picture to get started and enjoy checking buttons and writing stuff!

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Best of the Worst: Sept. 25, 2015

September 25, 2015, 11:29 pm

≫ Next: ..And You Thought Kim Kwang Soo was Retarded

≪ Previous: The Kpopalypse 2015 end of year caonima activity survey

Hello, everyone. Are you ready to lose more brain cells? Then join us for another round of Best of the Worst!

Today we have a meaningful and enlightening discussion about female idols' thighs, an idol who likes late-night drunk food, and a really weird campaign with VIXX:

This week in "Well ... That Was Unexpected," VIXX participates in "Angry Birds"-themed climate change video with Ian Somerhalder and Danny Devito.

EXID's Hani asks Got7's Jackson if he wants to sleep with her. His lips say "No," but his awkward pause says "I just need 2 minutes."

Like to talk about thigh gap vs honey thighs? Then this article's for you. "Netizens discuss female idol leg thickness." Also, you need other things to talk about.

Rolling Stone's list of the 50 greatest boy band songs includes four kpop boy groups (and Seo Taiji).

Red Velvet's Joy dreams of starring in commercial with Lee Soo Man.

YG claims he's going to make iKON and WINNER into groups that'll still be popular in 10 years. Good luck on that.

EXID's Solji reveals her favorite late-night snacks.

And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Eunjung's cells are like those of an elderly person.

Poor Eunjung

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..And You Thought Kim Kwang Soo was Retarded

September 26, 2015, 7:11 am

≫ Next: [MV Review] Red Velvet - Dumb Dumb

≪ Previous: Best of the Worst: Sept. 25, 2015

We've all ragged on the dumb decisions Kim Kwang Soo has made, such as putting Hwadog in T-ara when it was absolutely unnecessary or proposing Dani (a half-human, half-Giraffe) to be included in T-ara, but Kim Kwang Soo has never made a decision this retarded.

Taiwanese girl group Popu Lady is going to have a reality show to kick out a member. I thought all of this shit was just for one of the members to have a shot at solo activities, but no, they're actually going to kick a member out.

However, the girls are writing "5-1=0" on their Facebook pages, but they should know that kind of math doesn't work. Just ask Jessica of all people.

This seems like a media ploy to gain attention for Popu Lady, but I see no reason to kick out a member. Outside of Popu Lady, Dream Girls are the only other girl group really out there in Taiwan (S.H.E. members are too busy releasing solo music, plus their group music pales in comparison to each members' solo material).

I think this decision sucks ass because all five members in Popu Lady are fappable. There's no Hyoyeon, Amber, etc. of the group. Why reduce the fappability of a group by 20%? That is why this decision to kick out a member (most likely Bao Er since she's the least popular and this is a popularity contest) is retarded.

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[MV Review] Red Velvet - Dumb Dumb

September 27, 2015, 6:53 am

≫ Next: Candy Jelly Hate - understanding k-pop business decisions

≪ Previous: ..And You Thought Kim Kwang Soo was Retarded

So in my quest to catch up on K-pop, since there were a bajillion comebacks from girl groups this summer (which is a good thing), I decided to just pick the most recent song that I know about. I knew that SM was going to promote SNSD, Red Velvet and f(x) back-to-back, and thank fucking God SM pushed SNSD out first so that SNSD could quickly promote their shitty fucking songs and let their sister groups promote better songs without being overshadowed.

I have a love-hate relationship with Red Velvet. On one hand, the group is a more manic version of f(x)'s earlier days, but with better music. f(x) was always good (save for their first two songs...which I guess negates the word 'always', but I digress), but with Electric Shock, f(x) found their groove. SM has taken that formula and added 200% energy, and thus we have Red Velvet. RV's main three title tracks (Hot Penis, Ice Cream Cake and Dumb Dumb) have been 3-minute earworms.

However, Red Velvet's other concept is to release boring-as-fucking-dogshit R&B songs. There's a fucking reason I really didn't start listening to music until 2008 regularly. Growing up, it was the queerfest from the boybands in the 90s, and then the early 2000s were dominated by these lame-as-fucking-horse-vomit R&B songs. I thought R&B was dead for good. However, Kpop has been very successful in blending the past with the present, except that it just doesn't work with R&B, because R&B is fucking horrid. Do you know how fucking horrid it is?

Whenever I listen to one of RV's R&B songs, I want go out to the garage and grab an electric screwdriver. I would insert that fucking in my urethra with a screw and turn that fucker on full blast. Sure, I would mutilate my dick, but the last dude to mutilate his dick is treated as a "hero" by the lamestream media in the United States. SM would hear of my story and fly me out to Korea, and because they would feel so bad for me, they would allow me to scissor Irene with my fucked-up-artificial pussy.

Luckily, Dumb Dumb doesn't make me want to do that. Normally, I'm the kind of person who likes songs driven by addictive melodies (see Kara's Step) instead of having the bass and drum instruments carry the song, but Dumb Dumb is one of those exceptions. There's a smorgasbord of sounds thrown at your ears while listening to the song, but the booming bass carries the song easily. If I knew anything about music (which I don't and don't pretend to), I'm sure I could find a bunch of flaws with this song. I could easily point out why a lot of people wouldn't like this song. However, this song is extremely addicting and doesn't make me want to mutilate my dick so that I could scissor Irene. Though, I still want to bang her. I'm just saying, SM.

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